Oh boy. I actually had high hopes for this movie. High hopes, that I foolishly clung to, even when people around me started putting the movie down. “Everything will be ok,” I said to myself. “It has Batman in it. It can’t be all bad.” So, when the flu struck me this weekend, I finally had the time to sit down and watch it. And, like I said: Oh boy. No fever could prepare me for the feast of crap I was about to dine on…
Readers with an elephant-like memory might recall I actually liked Batman v Superman. The movie that started all the backlash against Snyder and Batfleck. The one movie seemingly no-one liked.
I liked that.
But this one… Wow. Totally different league.
That story, for instance. Steppenwolf coming to earth to claim the motherboxes for himself after a previous alliance of Atlanteans, Man and Amazons robbed him of them?
“That sounds truly epic, go on!”
What do you mean, go on?
“Go on, what terrible things will he do with the motherboxes? Bring on an invading army from beyond the galaxy? Summon Darkseid?”
Nope, none of that. Apparently, all he wants the boxes for is to reshape earth in the image of his homeworld.
“Cool! With flames and stuff?”
Nope. With pink plant tentacles.
And I’m not kidding. That’s really all there is plotwise. Steppenwolf proves to be a giant badass, but is more concerned with bringing pink plantlife to Earth. Yawn.
The heroes then? Surely they can’t be all that bad? I really like Wonder Woman. Gal Gadot seems a perfect fit for the role, and handles herself with grace. Same goes for Cavill as Superman and Mamoa as Aquaman. Really liked those three. It’s the other three that kinda grinded my gears. Where Batfleck had first won me over in Batman v Superman, here Ben Affleck is doing everything in his power to sway me over to the other side. Lackluster acting, wooden delivery… It’s as if he’s already tired of Batman and threw in the towel even before filming started. I love what they did with the character visually, but Ben, come on man. Put your back into it! And the Flash… I get they wanted to write him as this inexperienced young guy/comic relief, but everyone of his damn lines is a gag! Talk about overstating/overusing something. And the exact opposite award goes to Cyborg. The man/machine with a million uses under the hood, but he’s only using like three of his abilities in this film. Also, CG was just wonky on this one.
So yes… Giant stinker. Only thing I liked was its running time. Clocking just under 119 minutes, It’s the shortest DC film to boot. And that’s a good thing.